Friday, 11 January 2008

Highway man

The trees are swooping around in the dark dark town.

The moonlight is shining down.
The HighMan is out.
The High man is the creepyist man about.
The moor is creepy, and dark.

He had a black triangle french hat like a dark park.
His coat was dark red.
The High way man shoots the people dead.

The Highway man said to Bess"one kiss my beatifal sweatheart,i will see you tonight
i got a prize tonight."
"no matter what i will be there."
Then Tims face was shocked.
He didn't come in sunset morning.
He did't come in noon.
When the rise of the moon came two solidurs stomping.


The solidurs tied Bess up.
Then the Highway man came and saw Bess tied and shot herself.
So the Highway roared.
Then the Highway man got shot.
Then the spirits came out and they kissed.

1 comment:

Mr Lea said...

This is very good, what a great piece of writing. When I was reading through this it made me feel nervous thinking about what might happen next. I also think that the way you have used language patterns in this piece is excellent.
I think that your work was most effective, at it's best, when you worried less about rhyming patterns and thought more about word choices and descriptions.
Like in this part:

The Highway man said to Bess"one kiss my beatifal sweatheart,i will see you tonight
i got a prize tonight."
"no matter what i will be there."
Then Tims face was shocked.
He didn't come in sunset morning.
He did't come in noon.
When the rise of the moon came two solidurs stomping.

It was at these parts that I really engaged with the tale.
Keep up this great work.