Friday, 11 January 2008

The Highway Man

The Highway man crashed over the bumpy, dusty, stony rocks. The slippery horses feet slided with a big CRASH!!!!!! Trip trap, trip trap....he whistled a lovely tune as a secret code for Bess. His girlfriend was the landlord's black-eyed daughter called Bess. Bess was madly in love and desperate to see him.
In the spooky old horse park, it was empty but then an old crooked man called Tim lazed deep in the messy hay.He had pig's swill with mustard and ketchup as his hair!! His clothes were all ragged and his trousers had patches and he wore crumbly sandals upon his feet.
When the Highway man met his love, he crouched down and said..."Marry me my love, oh please sweetheart, I love you". Then off he went to get some money.
Tim was spying on them, he looked as dumb as a dog. He marched to some soldiers, who came up to the old inn door. They grabbed Bess and tied her up to a bed, then they hid. Then the Highway man skidded up to Bess and said " Bess". Suddenly to warn the Highway man, Bess shot herself ....BANG!! It was too late.
The Highway man charged at the soldiers but sadly they shot at him and they both died.
Their beautiful spirits floated away out of their bodies.

By Millie Patel, Class P.


Mr Lea said...

Millie, this is absolutely perfect, what a great piece of writing. When I was reading through this it made me feel nervous thinking about what might happen next. I also think that the way you have used language patterns in this piece is excellent. Your description of the characters are very detailed.
I think that your work was most effective, at it's best, when you were really focussing on Language patterns, I especially liked the final verses:

The Highway man charged at the soldiers,

But sadly they shot at him and they both died,

Their beautiful spirits floated away out of their bodies.

It was at these parts that I really engaged with the tale. In your next piece continue to think about slowing the reader down to make sure they think about your ideas and the way you are describing them.

Keep up this great work.

Us Lot said...

Millie, this is a brilliet, story I very very like your story. Keep it up GO!!!!!!!!!

Us Lot said...

Ameera said only ...

what a wondullfull story keep it up and you are the greaties arties
in the world.

love ameera!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!